4 years without you...

I miss you Corkey.

I thank you for the many lessons you taught me and brought into my life.

You even taught me about the pain of loosing some one that you love and adore.

The empty space in my heart for you will always be there, especially on days like today, when I reflect back to 4 years ago.

I never thought the night would end like it did, I never thought your night would end like it did. I'm sorry I was not there with you. I'm sorry I did not know you were so bad off. I'm sorry I could not hold you and make all the pain, fear and death leave you.

I love you my little sunshine birdie.

Pepper left us this year. He became bad off and I had to help end his suffering and say "night night" to him one last time.It was sad, ot hurt and I cried. Yet the pain I felt in loosing little Pepper corn was so different than the pain I felt and still feel about you leaving me.

I will always love you.

I miss you.

Loki is here and learning so much although he doesn't sing as much as you and some of our special songs, well, I never taught Loki to sing.

Thinking of you tonight and how much you mean to me and how very special you were in my life.

I tend to the white circle of stones in the back yard with love. Some of the pieces of wood that helped turn you to ashes are still there. I have a special box, with some of your bones that didn't turn to ash...all I have left of you. Feathers, bones and beautiful memories. Bitter sweet. Love and Lessons of Life.

Rest in peace my love and I know your spirit is flying free.

1/30/13    

Three years ago...

Three years ago, you left my life. I still miss you so very much my sweetie.

Tears still fill my eyes when I think of you.

The white stones still line the circle in the back yard.

Your spirit lives on, even though you are no longer with me.

Thank you...for the time we shared. I am so sorry I could not have kept my promise to you. I remember scratching your head as a bad feeling came over me. I softly said, "I don't know Cork, but we will get through this together."

I guess in a way we did get through it together...I just wish I could have changed the way it ended...I always wish for "one more day..."

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Loved you Anyway...

If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway

It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on a vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway

Even if I'd seen it comin'
You'd still have seen me runnin'
Straight into your arms

I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway

Trisha Yearwood ~ Loved you Anyway



http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=nasCf9VQs0o

Thinking of you Nov 2011

Amazing how a song can change your mood...

When I lost my best friend, almost 3 years ago, I felt as if my life had ended. I felt I had no reason to live. Most days, I am strong and the tears do not find me daily anymore. Yet certain things can happen that cause my mind to reflect so deeply on that love, that bond and the hole left in my heart.

A simple song came on the radio...A song we used to sing to each other. A song I do not think I will ever be able to teach Loki to sing...because that was "our song."

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I'll go
But I know
I'll think of you every step of
the way

And I...
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
You
My darling you
Mmm-mm

Bittersweet
Memories
That is all I'm taking with me
So good-bye
Please don't cry
We both know I'm not what you
You need

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you
You, ooh

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you've dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I...
Will always love you
I...
Will always love you

I, I will always love
You....
You
Darling I love you
I'll always
I'll always
Love
You..

ang

11/12/2011

You have been gone 1 year today...

A year ago today, I pulled back the covers and you were gone.

No sweet little chirp, no happy good morning song.

I fell to my knees, in such disbelief

My little Corkey, come back to me!

Laying cold and still, in final slumber.

I held you close, but could not warm you.

Our time together, now seems so short, even though 16 years past in a flash.

By my side through so much pain and growth, you made me smile and made me laugh.

You taught me what unconditional love is, you taught me, that it is ok to love.

You listened to me, as I cried. You were there in some of the worst and best years of my life.

I know the strength you gave me and the courage to be strong.

I will cherish that gift, my whole life long.

Always loving me and offering support.

My best friend, who could ask for more?

A friend, that could never be replaced and always in my heart.

I still look at your picture and visit your grave

I smile when I think of how much you gave.

The tears have not stopped nor has your memory faded.

A deep part of my heart, will always feel jaded.

Thank you for your love, being part of my life, and sharing so much, my friend.

If I could turn back the clock, knowing how it would end, I would indeed, do it all again.

~I love you my little Corkey Porkey. I miss you, every day. I do have Loki now, and he is so very sweet and smart and I love him too...but nothing will ever replace the deep bond that you and I have. I am grateful, to have felt total, unconditional love, once in my life and I will always be grateful to you, for sharing that, with me.

January 31, 2010

One More Day

In Loving Memory of my best friend Corkey March 4, 1993- January 30, 2009

"One More Day"

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a mansion in Malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing Id do, is pray for time to crawl

Then Id unplug the telephone

And keep the tv off

Id hold you every second

Say a million I love yous

That's what Id do, with one more day with you

One more day

One more time

One more sunset, maybe Id be satisfied

But then again

I know what it would do

Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Leave me wishing still, for one more day

~Diamond Rio

You will always be with me

In Loving Memory of my best friend Corkey March 4, 1993- January 30, 2009

"Iris"

And I'd give up forever to touch you cause I know that you feel me somehow

You're the closest to heaven that ill Ever be And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

cause sooner or later its over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me

cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

And you cant fight the tears that ain't coming

Or the moment of truth in your lies

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me

cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me

cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am

~Goo Goo Dolls